ITP: Emopire doesn't like losing

[bitingcynicism]

[After the events here...

Oh look, someone is once again covered in monster blood, along with some of his own, and downing handfuls of pills as he returns to main camp, exhausted but still obviously worked up. I sure hope nobody's wandering by at this hour.]

Comments

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

That girl you took care of, she's a vampire.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

You're feeling guilty and responsible then.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

I talked to her the other night. I knew she was worried about them and about other people who were threatening her. I just didn't think...

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

It is what it is. This doesn't solely fall on your shoulders though.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

... I should've let her die. Damon told me if she didn't drink, she would return to being dead again. Once the resurrections are fixed, it would have been fine.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

Letting her die wasn't the answer. Besides, there's no guarantee that something else wouldn't have gotten to her after you.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

I let her bite someone. I couldn't even kill the bastard who did this to her.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

It's not all your responsibility though. You are not responsible for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

It's my responsibility to make sure the vampires here don't endanger humans! She doesn't have any control! She's more of a danger than any of them!

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

I understand that you want to keep everyone safe, but blaming yourself and getting angry at yourself doesn't do anything accpet make it harder on yourself.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

I'm not angry at myself. I'm angry at him. I would've killed him if she hadn't gotten in the way.

... I should have. This damn truce doesn't protect anyone.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

It was October, Zero. Camp is to blame. Don't break the truce over Camp being camp.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

This wasn't October! It was the other night. This was his choice. He knew what he was doing; he wanted someone to come after him.

If he wants to die so badly, so be it.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

...

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

[Clenching his fists hard.]

I can't do what I'm supposed to do here. I have to let selfish monsters like him run around because confused girls ask for a change. I can't control my own hunger or anyone else's because camp takes control of our minds. And I have a powerful vampire who thinks humans are his playthings.

I'm tired of it!

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

*Hand on your head*

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

... What am I supposed to do, Ebi? This is all I have.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

You pull yourself back together, keep going and find something else.

Right now, you may think it's all you have, but it's not. It's really not, okay?

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

I can't protect anyone here. Every time... I was trying to help her. Just like...

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

*Godddddd, hugs for the not!son*

You can't save everyone, alright? All you can do is try.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

That's what we're supposed to do. I'm useless here.

All I can do is kill these mindless beasts to stave off my thirst. I might as well be one of them.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

You're not useless. You have friends who care about you very much and who you make happy just by being around.

People change their purpose all the time. If you didn't want to be a Hunter anymore, you would still matter. And just because one time things didn't go perfectly, that doesn't mean you fail as a Hunter. No one is perfect all the time.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

No, being a Hunter is what I am. It's in my blood, Ichiru's blood, and I won't stop until all the vampires are gone from the world.

But here... everything is so complicated, even the rules.

[lipstickittoyou.livejournal.com]

Life is full of complications though. It's not just this place.

[bitingcynicism.livejournal.com]

... I've tried to adapt, Ebi... but I made a mistake.

I'm not going to let that happen again.