lulz...

[bitingcynicism]

Character: Kiryuu Zero
Series: Vampire Knight
Character Age: 17

Canon: Vampire Knight is a delicious mix of shoujo
fanservice and bloody addictive cliches. The story follows Yuki and
Zero, guardians of Cross Academy, and their quest to keep the peace
between the normal Day Class and the vampire Night Class, all while
making sure nobody discovers that vampires live in their school. The
rest of the action comes from the very touchy love triangle between
Yuki, Zero and the painfully beautiful leader of the Night Class.

On the losing side of this triangle is Kiryuu Zero, Yuki's childhood
friend and a vampire who hates vampires. Attacked at a very young age,
Zero walks the fine line between vampire hunter and a human who is
slowly turning into a blood-sucking fiend. The change results in
suicidal tendencies, healthy helpings of emo and general bitterness
and distrust toward the vampires and the world. But through it all,
Zero still manages to chase off schoolgirls with his brash temper and
strict no-nonsense nature, while being extremely devoted to those he
cares about. Blunt and quick to correct a mistake, he is also capable
of sudden violence in the blink of an eye. Although he despises his
vampire tendencies, Zero has decided to live his regular life for as
long as he can. Now if only he could sort out his emotions and be
honest with himself.

This app is taken from before the major Yuki spoilers of Chapter 34.


Sample Post:

What has the headmaster gotten himself into this time? And what kind
of name is Center For Undead Desegregation? As if playing nice with
vampires wasn't bad enough, now we have advocates for zombie/human
relations. How can anyone even think about trusting something whose
idea of sharing new perspectives is ripping out someone's eyes and
handing them to someone else? And "braaaains" makes one hell of an
apology. Yuki would probably try to say it translates into something
about cultural differences and they just confused the phrase with
their term for an IOU. But culture clash isn't their only problem. The
last time I checked, eating people isn't some highly honored
tradition, where zombie families gather around the table to enjoy
their liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. I got enough of
that "culture" when one tried to offer me her special recipe for blood
pudding. And that's exactly why all zombie visits to the mess hall now
require supervision. It's one of the new rules that's going to help
things run a lot more smoothly here.

Rule number two is that zombies must maintain a 10 foot distance from
humans between the hours of 10 am and -- I didn't mean
literally! You're supposed to measure with your eyes, idiots! I'm
here to help keep the peace, not the pieces. Are you even listening?
Fine! Keep tossing limbs everywhere. It just proves how much you care
about keeping things together. I don't know what else I expected from
a bunch of undead monsters. I still can't believe we're expected to
refer to them as the living impaired. The only ones impaired by their
living are the rest of us! If we have to call them something, it
should be necrologically challenged since their inability to stay dead
is what's causing this mess. And you! I already warned you that if you
get any closer to those campers, I'm fully willing to help out with
that performance problem! I told you to keep your hands to
yourself -- no, using someone else's hands doesn't make it any
better!

I'm nipping this problem in the bud right now! All afternoon
activities are suspended while these zombies learn the meaning of
personal space, and I'm not referring to what's inside their heads.
I'm sick of all this talk about "bridging barriers" when nobody's even
taught them how to avoid crossing the line! That's if this place even
has one. At least the academy has a fence so there's some sense of
control, even if I have to put up with those girls screaming bloody
murder every time it keeps them from the Night Class. I didn't think
there was anything that could be more of a pain in the neck. But these
zombies are sure trying, in every way possible!

And if I'm expected to actually sink my teeth into this project, some
activities are being completely postponed until I'm sure there's no
more communication problems like earlier. This includes the former
"buddy system" since I'm not risking the possible interpretations of
the heads-up signal. Forget it, this is not up for discussion! I
already sat in on the last brainstorming exercise, where everyone was
asked to put their minds together. I've seen enough. And just so we
don't have any future misunderstandings, there's now a Zero-tolerance
policy in effect for all incidents of violence against campers. Which
means any zombie who wants to play rough is going to have to tolerate
me -- shooting them in the head!

What? You think I'm all bark and no bite? Just try me. Then
we'll see who really "sucks at life."